Quick, someone shield me from PETA

Insect controlImage by RaeA via Flickr

I have a love for animals, always have. I don’t know how that translates to being such a horrible pet owner, ’cause I have always had the best of intentions.

I grew up in a weird house. My oldest brother, Uncle Buck, could catch anything. He caught snakes, lizards, spiders, raised rattlesnakes in our garage for a while (until my Dad found out) and suffered through the series of rabies shots after trying to force feed a bat that “looked” hungry. We also had ferrits, guinea pigs and a pet Prairie Dog that would sky dive in our stairwell. So in all fairness to me, my perception of reality may be a little skewed.

Plus, summers I spent on my grandparent’s farm, and “farm” people always see animals in a different light than “city” people.

So, over the years I have had many pets, including the dog that has unnatural feelings for me. We had a parakeet, I love birds……always had parrots (that belonged to Uncle Buck) growing up. Our family bird growing up would scream “Mom, I’m home!” at 2 AM, after you had made it in by curfew, but it was still enough to get you grounded. I got the parakeet for Skud after his 3rd ear surgery (details in some blog that remains unwritten, suffice it say, never put anything but your elbow in your ear.) I thought it would make a great pet. It scared him. “Tweety” would kiss you, but Skud found the nibbles too intense. Birds tend to find one person in the home that they “partner” with. I was Tweety’s partner. He would sit on my shoulder as I would eat my cereal, and when I didn’t pay attention he would run down, stand in the middle of my Raisan Bran and squawk at me. That will get your attention.

Raynard’s brainstorm that summer was a fly trap. I hate fly traps. I spent summers on a farm and have no desire to see dead fly carcases in my home. I remember them from the front porch, barns and dairies well enough, I don’t need the reminder in my kitchen. Also, he never caught one stinking fly with that damn trap. But he would kill flies pick up their lifeless corpses and throw them at the traps to “ENTICE” other flies. How sick is that?

The trap made it for about a week in our home but was an obvious source of contention between us. We had discussions about it. The final discussion came when Tweety, who flew lop-sided as I had clipped his wings flew into the fly trap and got stuck. Yeah, a parakeet stuck in fly trap falsl to the ground faster than you would think; but not faster than a five year-old witnessing a birds distress can scream bloody murder.

We also had a peekapoo (boys called it a Peek-A-Boo) that would eat house plants and have seizures. So we got a puppy to entertain the seizure dog and keep it away from the plants. Yeah, that didn’t work out so well either.

Squints had the worst “GAG” reflex you have ever seen. He would litterally throw up looking at his own poop in the toilet. Oh, Squints also loved Pepsi. I would find him curled next to my bed in the morning clutching an un-opened can of Pepsi-Cola. He would ask for one by saying, “KSSH Momma, KSSH!” (mimicking the sound of the can opening) We had to get rid of the plant distracting puppy when he pooped on Squints head in the middle of the night as he laid next to my bed. Squints is a heavy sleeper and had rolled through it several times before morning.

We had a bunny, the peekapoo (Buckley) ate it. We had an australian shephard that kept “herding” the children. We have had countless fish one crazy cat we lost in the house for 3 days and found in Raynards closet hanging from his only suit. Luckily the closet was packed so tightly there was no room for “Tunces” to fall.

Where’s Tweety you ask? Well, my birthday gift about 10 years ago was Raynard having Skud call me at work hysterically crying. When I asked “What’s wrong?”

Skud exclaimed, “Buckley’s a BIRD DOG!”

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