Yesterday….all my troubles seemed ON TOP OF ME

So, I have been sick, AGAIN! And I rarely get sick. It came on fast too; within 45 minutes I went from feeling fine to being a shaking mess. I would shake uncontrollably for hours and wake up with matted wet hair. Then I would be hot and standing outside in the cold, or in front of the a/c to try to cool down again (this only makes the shaking start again.)

I usually don’t acknowledge being sick. (My Grandmother told me she had not missed a day of work for sickness in 20 years, you just get up and tell yourself you are not sick….. yeah, kind of stuck with me.) Grandma ingrained that to me. I did take two days off last week. But Friday I went in anyway, though if I had had my druthers; I would have stayed home.

Didn’t feel great but got through work that day. Even though at the end of the day I was pretty miserable. Plus, since Raynard & Squints had left town to go hunting. Had I gone home, there would have been just as much work there, since I would have to deal with Stinky Pete. So it worked out just as well to stay.

Saturday morning got up, staggered around the house, looking quite a lot like the Ozzy Osbourne shuffle, and spoke about as coherently. Pete and I stayed in bed as long as he would allow. We got up to see the first sunshine our little town had seen for a couple of weeks. We had a very nasty day about a week ago with freezing rain that turned into 6″ of heavy wet damp snow. With all the snow gone you could see that my yard needed serious maintenance.

Pete and I had a whole day to kill. So I figure the best use of our time would be to clean up the yard. Packed up the lawn furniture and put it in the shed, and looked at the rickety, slivery old rake and decided we needed to buy new ones to get the job done. Enter Wal-Mart.

My WalMart relationship is a love/hate one. I love going there, yet I despise it too. Didn’t wear make-up or do my hair, as this trip was just gonna be a quick in and out, and I haven’t felt good in days. I am NOT the natural beauty that you are all imagining either. It takes great strides (meaning team of cosmotologists) to get me “normal” looking for an average day.

So, we have to do the obligatory bribe to get Pete to help me with the leaves in my front yard. Quick detour to the DS games, grabbed two rakes and………. yep, that’s when I doubled over in pain. I thought, we should get out of here. Luckily we were in the yard/garden section and there was no waiting in the line. The lady (who has worked there forever, and I can’t recall ever being nice, she is one of those 60+ women with the barrett in the wrong place) rang up my items and I swiped my debit card. That’s when I realized the room was dimming. I grabbed the counter and quickly pushed in my pin #(1234.. he he, not really) And I said to her: “I don’t feel good…”

She yelled at me, “you have to finish pushing the buttons!”

I pushed them again, and told her, “I am going to be sick…”

“Did you want cash back? You have to tell it if you want cash back…”

That when the person from the other line said, “I have a chair, we should sit you down.” And I did. Knowing my legs would not hold me much longer. Then they asked if I wanted an ambulance or a bottle of juice (really? what was I going to do with a bottle of juice? Just wondering…)

“No. Just let me sit”

Then they called a manager, apparently sick lady in line is more than they are trained to handle. I heard the call for the manager, what I did not expect was 7 managers to swarm around me in a semi-circle. (I don’t usually get embarrassed, or at least it takes an awful lot, but WalMart’s management team staring at me in a semi-circle, all convinced I either had the swine flu OR an alien would come leaping from my chest at any moment…. yeah, found that a bit embarrassing.)

Youngest and I am guessing newest manager asked “What’s wrong?” When I looked up to answer, he actually flinched and jumped back. Like whatever I had was going to leap across the room and swallow him whole. Spent the rest of the day in fetal position.

Raynard came home unexpectedly from his hunting trip as everyone he went hunting with was getting sick. And he forced me to go to the clinic. Guess what, tell the lady up front you passed out at WalMart, the clinic won’t see you, they will make you go to ER. (that is a lesser known fact, but please feel free to build on my experiences….)

So what I am guessing what will be an additional $2000 on the bill, I left ER after 2full bags of IV fluids for dehydration, 1 IV bag of anti-biotics 1 oral anti-biotic and 2 prescriptions for pain meds (PRICELESS, well other than the $2000) all to find out I never had the flu. Raging kidney infection.

So there it is, not funny, but still it is an explanation for 3 days of not telling you the silly details of my life. You think I am confusing and hard to follow when I have wine with dinner, you should try to read the shit I wrote on Vicodin.

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