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So apparently I don’t have one thought that is enough for the blog. Tonight you get to see the crazy randomness of the inside of my head. (Warning, if there are small children in the room you may want to have them look away from the screen… and there MAY just be a strobe light later in the show; so if you are prone to seizures please proceed with caution.)
I am excited by the new rotisserie oven that sits in my kitchen. I make great chicken when I don’t try.
My girlfriends are trying to get me on stage to preform stand up comedy. I would love to, one problem… I’m not funny. I sit here and stare endlessly at this computer and try real hard to be witty, but funny on stage… whole new ball game ladies. I have spent two weeks thinking about it and the best lines I have come up with I need to learn an impression to do. Remember when Bruce Banner would turn into the incredible Hulk? and all he could say was “HULK SMASH.” What if HULK came to you and said…
“HULK concerned with status of investments in these economics times…”
I think I need new socks.
I ordered the Cindy Crawford magic wrinkle cream off the internet today. Then spent 30 minutes looking at my face in the mirror. Would someone PLEASE explain to me how I could POSSIBLY need wrinkle cream and Pro-Active for pimples at the same time… and still have to spend $40 a month on something to ward off age spots? That makes no sense. Universe PLEASE… I ain’t that bright, present me with one challenge at a time. I don’t care make it the hardest of the three, but not crow’s feet, acne and age spots all at once.
Got a pedicure with Cal last weekend, I have purple toenails. Next time they can skip all but the hot towel and lotion on my legs.
I wish I had some of the magic crystals that Will and Holly smacked together that made the Sleestacks flinch.
After all those years of sleeping together, now that we are thousands of miles apart Guru Annie thinks I have developed a secret crush and have been flirting with her. (I told you, I am not good at innuendo.) YES, I love this woman, that is why I am marrying her, but as far as crushing on her, she needs to stand in line behind Rob Pattinson and Guy Branum.
I decided to start training for a marathon. How many smoke breaks due you think that let you take when you are walking 20 miles? In the time since I made the decision to do this marathon I stopped walking everyday and gained a lot of weight. Maybe I should pledge to give all my money to charity so I can win the lottery?