Crest -A- Pult

My silly little life constantly steers me into weird and unknown directions. Who would’ve guessed after spending the weekend talking about 4 in the morning jokes, I would find nothing funny at 4 in the morning.

I didn’t even realize what a four in the morning joke was. Squints had to explain it to me. It is something that is only funny because you are so sleep deprived that you don’t understand what you are being told is just non-sensicle. Maybe I am not really funny; maybe you all just need to get more sleep.

I have had a great time in the last few months performing what I have written. It makes me almost high. It also makes me wish way more stupid stuff happened to me. I find that weird ’cause if something stupid is going to happen it is probably going to happen to me… or my brood.

I am hoping I have the only husband in the known universe that has ever come running to the side of his wife’s bed yelling, “Can you see anything in my eye?”

“Yes, there is something blue… what the hell is that?”

“Toothpaste.”

And smeared across the white of his eyeball was a glob of blue Crest toothpaste.

“The mint stings…”

“I bet it does. How in the hell did you get TOOTHPASTE in your eye?”

Apparently it has a lot to do with the amount of pressure you apply with the tube at the end of your brush. Raynard applied too much, and made a literal Crest-a-pult. Now we have safety glasses strategically placed in the bathroom.

4 thoughts on “Crest -A- Pult

  1. Pingback: Happy F’n Mother’s Day! | Reptiles in the Ice Cream

  2. Pingback: You won’t believe it’s true. | Reptiles in the Ice Cream

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