Is it a non-flattering haircut or an offensive story?

I have bad hair.  I always have. It is thin, and I have male pattern baldness  -thanks Dad. 

To understand this whole story you need to know over the past couple years I have been asked to help host several Red Carpet events in Nowhere, WY for charities and local non-profits.  This is not a brag.  This is me simply telling you when people think, “Who could we get to stand on a stage, in front of a microphone and let people laugh at her (and then talk behind her back) for no charge?”  my name usually comes up.

My favorite story from last year’s event was a last minute change in the lineup.  My co-host had to bow out with 1 day notice and we had a Pinch Hitter.  A very nice man, who, was not all that comfortable on stage; Pinch Hitter and I had a bet going backstage to see if I could make it through a whole two hour event without saying the “F” word.  Odds were not in my favor.

The show was scripted, down to Teleprompters, which I had never worked with before.  As the award winner was announced Pinch Hitter and I stepped back on stage to find the Teleprompters out.  Pinch Hitter panicked.  He looked at me frozen with terror and mouthed the Teleprompter is out.  I looked at him and said:

Me: Pinch Hitter, would you like to hear a joke? (Why I asked this question I have NO IDEA!  I have long said I don’t tell jokes, I only forward them.)

PH: Yes!

Me: What word begins with F and ends with UCK?

And I shit you not, Pinch Hitter looked out into the crowed and yelled, “The Teleprompters are out!  This is not in the script!  I don’t know why she is saying that!”

Thank GAWD Papa Bear screamed FIRETRUCK from the back of the room, which was exactly the right answer and the Teleprompters magically appeared again.

Because of events like this, my Fabulous Gay Hairdresser has been encouraging me to grow my hair out, so we have more possibilities during Red Carpet events, BUT because of events like this no one will ever ask me to host again.  So the point is kind of moot.

Short hair makes life so much easier.

Plus, the new color is fire red, with black all around the edges.  I look like one of Disney’s evil queens.  Even BFF Cal gave me the intervention, “are we still in favor of the long hair?  It has been awhile since I saw you with short hair.  I really liked the short hair.”

That point was solidified when I pulled up to my home, to fetch my cell phone I had left over the lunch hour.  As I parked my car I noticed my neighbor was staring at me intensely, so I waved.  And as I got out of the car she started to interrogate me, and right in the middle her tone changed. 

“Oh, I have been wanting to talk to you.  Your hair is getting long, and you changed your hair color.  I was just telling my husband the other day that I needed to talk to you, because your husband has been seeing some lady with really dark hair and a dark car.  My daughter kept saying that it was you but I did not believe her.  She kept saying, ‘Mom, she bought a new car, she changed her hair color…’  I kept telling my husband you two have been married a long time.  I can’t believe he is running around on you like that!

So –you look really different with dark hair.”

Umm, WTF?

Aren’t you supposed to at least follow that comment up with, “It looks good on you.”

10 thoughts on “Is it a non-flattering haircut or an offensive story?

  1. you amuse the hell out of me woman..
    Wear your hair however the hell you want and you will look marvelous!
    Says the gray haired lady who does not give a firetruck

    • You amuse me too.

      I have called my Fabulous Gay Hairdresser several times saying it is time to cut it off. I feel like I am cheating on him to consider going somewhere else… but it is time.

      And, in my head I would have never thought gray haired for you. Brunette, tussled from early morning romp with 6’4″ husband that pulls tractors from ponds with HIS BARE HANDS. (YES, madly, un-secretly jealous.)

      • alas I used to be a brunette. there is still some brown but the salt is taking over rather quickly.
        Haaa on my man.. Thanks for reading everything today and for commenting. that is way above and beyond my friend 🙂
        You made me smile today..thanks

    • Mrs. Tuna thank you for stopping by. I have to say when I went back to edit I kept tripping over that too, thinking it said Pinch Hitler and I don’t even drink coffee, unless it is with wine. And then, hold the coffee.

  2. Great story!!! PIMP!! And, what a kawinky dink!!! I too have changed my hair to a darker shade and bought a new car!!! So glad your neighbor never caught on!! Whew!!

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